Safe Dating

Keep it safe! 

What NOT To Do On Your Dating Profile

We've given you endless hints and tips for filling in your dating profile and flirting with your date as you sip drinks on a rooftop bar at sunset, but finding out what NOT to do can be a little harder to come by. What should you definitely avoid writing in your profile? Does it contain any easily avoidable turn-offs that might be driving other quality members away? Let's clarify the DON'Ts of online dating:

1. "I can't believe I'm doing this"

It's 2015; I think I read something last week about self driving cars and robots that humans can genuinely have sex with. 

My point being: having an online dating profile is no longer an awkward confession to make to your friends. Millions of people do it, have done it, and have met their soulmates through doing it. Plus, a comment like this insinuates that you're only dating online as a last resort and your heart's not fully in it, and the people you meet that way (who, SURPRISE, will be online daters too) probably won't appreciate that kind of attitude. Be positive, and you'll get a lot more out of the experience. 

2. Don’t Lie

Honesty is the best policy. Don't you want someone to like you for you? Have a read of our article about Dating Lies for some more info about lying online. 

3. Be positive

Someone who's looking for romance in their life will not want a moping, moaning, gloomy love interest. 

So you're single, so you've had a few bad dates, so you could be crying daily about whatever isn't right about your life, but it's unlikely that that attitude will be attractive to a potential suitor. Fake it till you make it: starting out cheerful and upbeat will attract someone of that disposition and that is likely to brighten your life in the long term. 

4. "Moonlit walks and quiet evenings by the fireplace sipping wine."

Sorry, I just fell asleep. Comments like this are highly average I'm afraid, so steer clear. Yes, unless you're afraid of the dark, moonlit walks are great and the fireside is obviously a majorly cosy location. 

But this doesn't tell us much about you as a person; everyone is ‘fun-loving’, ‘loves to travel’ and 'isn't sure what else to write!'. Make your profile stand out from the crowd. Use playful language, unique examples and give it a conversational feel, as if you were actually talking to the person in a bar.

5. Ex marks the zero chance of a successful date

It may not be obvious to you at the time, but when someone mentions their ex in a profile that is supposed to portray them, it makes it clear that you're not over said lad/lady. While you're at it, don't bring up the ex for the first few dates either.

6. "Looking for someone fun but down to earth"

Don't say what you want your man to be like, and ESPECIALLY don't say what you don't want him to be like. This can come across as desperate, demanding and/or high maintenance, which is never going to draw someone in (wait until they've fallen for you before you reveal your crazy, duh). Instead of being picky in your profile, turn on your inner Simon Cowell once you actually start to receive messages. That way you get all the options and you can whittle them down in your own time to your heart's content.

7.  You are only as good as your worst picture

A picture is worth 1000 words. You may have five great profile pictures posted, but if that sixth picture is a dodgy one it could very easily send someone running. Frustrating as this obsession with looks is, it's largely unavoidable when a few images and lines of text are all someone has to go by, so try and present yourself in your very best light. It's also worth saying that sexualising your photo gallery won't score you many dates either. You may receive messages but it won’t be for the right reasons.

8.  Don't go on and on

 Psychologically, small sections of text seem more appealing and approachable than chunky paragraphs.  Structure your profile in small, two to three sentence sections, with each area focussing into a different area of who you are. We reckon you'll get much more success that way. 

So all that's left to say is...

Autumn Date Ideas

As September rolls in and we wave goodbye to summer and its rooftop bar, picnic in the park dates, we've got a whole new selection of autumn appropriate dates planned out for you. Whatever romance vibes take your fancy, here are a variety of suggestions for the next couple of months: 

Free Films at the Scoop

Whoever said open-air cinema was contingent on a balmy evening? Chillier weather is all the better for snuggling closer to your date anyway. Already underway over by London Bridge, there are three films a week playing at 19.30 until September 24th - and it's FREE to attend. Cheap daters rejoice! Features that will be playing include The Theory Of Everything, Still Alice and Zoolander (aka catering to all tastes); food and comfy cushions are  available to buy there. For full details, click here.

V&A

The beautiful building that houses the vast collection of the V&A is enough to qualify for a brilliant date destination in itself. Whether you and your date share an interest in the artistic histories of the museum's autumn exhibitions on Indian Storytelling or the History of Shoes (not just for ladies; this is a collection that I HIGHLY RECOMMEND!) or you just want to check out one of London's most famous institutions, the V&A is a brilliant place to spend a date. Follow up your culture with a slice of cake in its incredibly ornate cafe downstairs. 

Deer-Spotting in Richmond Park

While Richmond Park can feel a little too off the beaten track for those of us who aren't Sheen locals, it's certainly worth travelling out to for a crispy leafed, snugly jacketed stroll one weekend.

If that's not a tempting view I don't know what is. Whether it's sunny and cold or plain old cloudy and cold, the huge expanses of space in Richmond are so unique in London that they inevitably make for a backdrop to truly lovely days out, especially when they feature the herds of deer that roam within the park. Treat your date to coffee and cake at nearby Petersham Nurseries afterwards.  

Merge Festival

This is another option for those of you looking to get out and about and make the most of London. Merge is an annual festival running from 18th September-18th October, that involves performances, installations and general happenings in the Bankside that draw their inspiration from the rich heritage and contemporary culture of the area. Details of individual events can be found on the festival website. And if the idea of a funky filled month of art and creativity doesn't draw you in, could I tempt you by the fact that most of the events are free? 

Inhale your drink at Alcoholic Architecture

Step back in time/ into a literal cloud of alcohol at notoriously wacky bar Bombas and Parr's latest installation; a walk-in cloud of breathable cocktail. As the bar itself is located on the site of an ancient monastery, the drinks list is comprised entirely of spirits and beers created by monks; Chartreuse, Benedictine and Buckfast - a fortified wine against which Scotland's parliament is allegedly passing laws to stop it entering their country - to name a few. Don't worry about becoming too intoxicated - you're only allowed to be inside for 50 minutes, and breathing in the cloud is only equivalent to one drink. I might not recommend this one for a first date (unless you're feeling particularly adventurous) but it's a very unique and fun place to try at some point.

The Thames Festival

Totally Thames brings the river to life with a month-long season of river-related events: art, music, open days, talks, walks and boats galore. Browse the events on their website - there are literally too many great ones on offer to know what to recommend, although TimeOut has given it a go! There are discounts and deals for riverside dining and 2 for 1 tickets on river transport - i.e. a romantic river cruise followed by dinner overlooking the twinkling city lights... Is there anything more romantic? 

Open House London

London's annual nosy-parker dream weekend is happening on September 19th and 20th: the chance to go into some of the city's most intriguing and iconic buildings that are usually closed to the public. Most destinations are free; all you need to do is show up. Browse their website to choose which buildings you'd most love to go into and plan your day by location or type of building. This is a fun and unique way to spend a date, and offers loads of conversation topics between you and your date. 

Pop Art at the Tate Modern

Last art feature I promise, but the highly anticipated World Goes Pop exhibition is another one not to be missed. Won't your date be impressed by your vast artistic intrigue and knowledge?! Celebrating Western consumer culture with its bright, bold displays, the exhibition also highlights the role that this art movement played in political dissent across the world in the 1960s and 70s. Plus, after a whizz round the exhibition you'll find yourselves wonderfully close to the buzzing Southbank and its endless riverside happenings. The perfect chance for you to get involved in the Thames festival! 

Alice in Wonderland Inspired Drinks

QUICKLY - the quirkiest of summer pop-ups comes in the form of Chambord Chapter Eight Games, which will be in full swing from 10th-13th September in Dalston. Find the special door and emerge into a world of curious delights, highlights of which include delicious cocktails, scrumptious French-American burgers from Le Bun and, naturally, flamingo croquet. A game that few can play well but most of us can take an optimistic crack at, an evening of croquet is surprisingly enjoyable when spend sipping on a raspberry liqueur cocktail. 

So with that diverse selection of date ideas to keep you busy for the next few months, make sure you've signed up to HelloYou to find yourself a special someone to enjoy them with!

Tips For Getting Over Rejection

What do these people have in common? 

Sienna got booted by Jude Law, Taylor Swift has written more songs about her heartbreak than we can count, and Jennifer Aniston was brutally divorced by Brad Pitt in favour of Angelina Jolie and a new life as father-of-the-year to his millions of kids. Starting with a reminder that even the most beautiful and successful among us can be, and have been, dumped, doesn't take away from the fact that rejection hurts, plain and simple. And after the first obligatory days of bed bound pillow punching interspersed with tsunamis of tears, what are you supposed to do with yourself?! With your confidence knocked and a person-shaped hole in your life, it certainly isn't easy to move on; in fact, it can feel impossible. 

Here are our top, tried and tested tips and tricks for picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when someone has trodden all over your teeny fragile heart: 

1. Block/unfriend on Facebook

100% remove their entire social media presence from your life. If you're thinking you need the occasional stalk of your ex or that it will seem too petty for you to delete them, you are wrong my friend. When they pop up on your newsfeed with their former-ex in their arms, it will strike a jealousy javelin through your very soul. Do not let that happen; delete them ASAP. 

2. Don't stay friends

At least not to start with. It's so difficult to completely let go of someone you care about, but taking them out of your life for a while will make it easier to come to terms with the breakup, and actually make it more likely that you could be friends in the long run. Give yourself some tough love and do what's best for you for the time being. That means maximum goodbye to your ex.

3. Get back to basics

Nature and exercise. Both hideous concepts when you've been scoffing chocolates behind the safety of your duvet and black-out blind for the recent past, yet still necessary ingredients to a healthy rejection recovery. Whether you find your inner peace through yoga, punch out your rage via kickboxing or pound the pavements in tune to your new playlist of sassy, independent women (Shania Twain), the endorphins will do you good. Likewise, being outside in the open air will help to clear your head, even though it might seem like a major chore right now. Again; tough love means being kind to yourself even when you don't want to be.

4. The alcohol situation

TRY to leave it for the first few days at least.

If you're already crying while sober, don't add alcohol to the equation. And once you do feel remotely stable enough to have a few drinks get blink drunk, make sure it's with friends who are going to look after you. This involves not allowing you to rebound with anyone less attractive than you on the scale of 1-10, and genuinely throwing your phone under the wheels of a bus if that's what it takes to stop you texting your ex. His dry 'haha' to your booze fuelled ramblings does not mean he wants you back and will only fill you with hanganoia (hungover paranoia about the shameful events of the evening) and regret the following morning. 

5. Let the feels flow

Everyone copes with difficulty in their own way, but i strongly recommend letting your feels (aka tears/hatred/sadness) flow when you start feeling them. Bottling them up will just lead to an inappropriate and uncontrollable explosion of emotions when you least expect it, so whether that involves you physically destroying your landline when you answer it to a sales call or breaking down into the mother of all crying fits if you miss your train to work, it's definitely best to avoid. 

 
6. It's not me, it's them

Clichés are clichés for a reason! They're true more often than not, and this is no exception. If you can't convince yourself, make sure you've got a good support base of friends and family around you to act as a reminder that you are amazing and loved, and this one person who has rejected you does not change that. Make a list or put together a series of photos to remind you of the brilliant things about you and in your life.

Even a little list of the bad things about your ex-partner wouldn't go amiss. If they don't want you, why would you want them!? This sort of talk can sound a bit 'thou doth protest too much', but it can definitely be helpful in helping you get back up after a break up, especially at the beginning. 

2. Rejection makes you stronger

Every time something bad happens, we can learn from it. This may seem unreasonably optimistic in the face of heartbreak, but it is definitely worth keeping in mind. Did you see the break-up coming a while in advance, but turn a blind eye because you wanted to avoid it? Next time, you might feel brave enough to be more upfront. Was your partner on the rebound from a previous relationship? You might be more cautious if that situation arises again. All these little life lessons build up over time, and even though they can be painful they are ultimately important in building your character so that you know what you want when you do meet the right person for you. 

Post-Divorce Dating

Returning to dating is usually a necessary evil for anyone who has been through a divorce, and after being married it can certainly come as a shock to the system. Depending on how long you were married, the dating scene might also have changed entirely, leaving you with brand new territory to navigate. Even if that is the case, there are certain guidelines that will always apply…

1.    Present yourself with confidence:

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean your future relationships are doomed to failure. Filling your life with positive things and reminding yourself of how great you are will go a long way to making your dating endeavours more successful. It’s a well-known fact that confidence is attractive, so put your best foot forward and approach dates with your brilliance in mind!

2.    Do not give up on the way you look:

This isn’t to say that you need to look a certain way; it simply means that you should take care of your appearance. This is super simple and generally goes without saying – keep clean, wear clean clothes, sleep well, and keep your body healthy. Not only will this make you look more attractive in itself, but it will help you feel fresher and happier, which will make you more attractive too!

3.    Do not compare yourself to others:

If you’re not in your twenties, don’t try to pretend you are and don’t worry about not looking ‘as good’ as those who are. Too old, too young, too fat, too thin… Banish Goldilocks syndrome and embrace whatever stage of life you are at right now. This self-acceptance will be far more attractive than dolling yourself up to mirror someone who is thirty years younger! Plus, comparisons are only going to make you feel bad about yourself when there’s absolutely no need to.

4.     Do not assume you know what will or will not be attractive:

Moulding yourself to what you imagine your date might want you to be is go-to behaviour for lots of people getting back on the dating scene. This is understandable if you want it to go well but you’re not a mind reader, and it’s far healthier to back off from this way of operating. You can’t know what someone else wants, so all you can do is be the best you can. If they don’t find that attractive then they’re not right for you anyway! Besides, doing things you love and being the person you are is far more impressive than fitting in with what everyone else wants. Be a person you’d be impressed by, and you’ll blow your date away too.

Head over to HelloYou to sign up now, or go to HelloYou Mature if you're looking for love in a more specific age range.   

Active Date Ideas

Table Tennis

If you’re wondering whether table tennis can be counted as ‘active’, you’re in need of a trip to one of London’s dedicated ping-pong bars. Although it will reveal your carefully masked competitive side that should arguably remain hidden until marriage, it’s worth the risk for the pizza-fuelled fun you can find at locations like Bounce or The Game. Besides, if you make it to the next date after mercilessly defeating your partner in a tournament you’ll know that they must be a keeper.

Pedalo

Pedalo-ing is the perfect activity, placing you side by side with your date as you work together to power your boat up and down the Serpentine. Combining many opportunities for people watching on the riverbanks with the entertaining challenge of syncing your pedalling speed with that of your date’s, it’s an entertaining and romantic way to spend a summer afternoon – especially if your boat has one of those flat bathing platforms (although this is better suited for a picnic than taking a dip). Regent’s Park is another lovely location to rent boats, where you can also choose to do rowing if you reckon your coordination and biceps are up to it!

Punting in Oxbridge

For those of you who want to get out on the water in even more of a rural oasis, take the one hour train ride out to Oxford or Cambridge to go punting. Tours are available to join, such as Cambridge’s 45 minute College Backs Tour, that guides you along a one mile stretch of the Cam past some of the university’s palatial colleges, but you can also take a punt at renting your own punt. Beginners will probably bounce from ‘bank to bank’ through Oxford’s Botanic Gardens, but these gondola-length boats provide an idyllic day out regardless of your captain’s skill. Nab a cheap picnic from a local Sainsbury’s and even take a dip in the water if you’re feeling brave.

Bikram Yoga

Bear with me! This isn’t completely insane. To those in the know, Bikram Yoga is a yoga class in forty-five degree heat that leaves you unimaginably sweaty but (hopefully) feeling pretty amazing. Sharing that experience and the natural high that follows it with your date is a great way to connect and build a positive energy between you. If you’re worried about the red-faced, drenched-in-sweat aspect of it, just think of it as pre-empting the inevitable. Every couple eventually has to reach that ‘this is what I really look like’ milestone; why not get it over with early on? Fierce Grace has studios across London, there’s Hot Bikram Yoga at London Bridge and Sohot Bikram in Victoria.

Bowling

Bowling is another active date idea that’s well worth the risk of revealing your competitive streak. At All Star Lanes, which is in four locations across London, you can settle yourself down on diner booth sofas with chips and a beer between strikes as you smugly watch your date bowl straight down the gutter. Alternatively, hold out for a well-earned meal of BBQ ribs/pizza/burgers after your game. Bloomsbury Bowling even has karaoke rooms… Bowling is fun and (mostly) everyone can do it – what’s not to love?

Mini-golf

Another one with that sweet element of competition… Mini golf can be a hole load of fun, and there are plenty of opportunities for it in the capital. Test your skills at Plonk! In Dalston, where you can drown your sorrows in cocktails if your date wins, or hold out for Swingers London in Shoreditch that’s opening in December. Housed in a two storey clubhouse from December 2015, it will feature two 9-hole crazy golf courses alongside street food outlets, MULTIPLE cocktail bars, a terrace overlooking the golfing mayhem and other games to keep you busy while you’re off the course. Complete your date by taking advantage of the various golfing euphemism opportunities and you’ll be in for a real treat.

Cycling

Cycling in London is a revelation. Especially when you’re central, biking rarely takes longer than the tube and even if you’re a true London local it will reveal secrets of the city that you were previously blind to. Tally Ho! Cycle tours are a lovely way to see the sights, but opt for their Gin & Food Tour to avoid the crowds and get a snack/G&T in during your ride. If you’re looking for a more romantic experience they also offer private tours, but if it’s quality time with you’re date that you’re after just grab a couple of Boris Bikes (although we’re calling them Santander Bikes now…) and seek out a cosy coffee shop or pub at the end of your journey. The Attendant in Fitzrovia, located in a former Victorian toilet (funky not gross), is an interesting choice for coffee, and Hampstead’s Spaniard’s Inn or Brixton’s Grand Union feature just two of London’s many beer gardens for romantic sundown drinks.