Is 'type-dating' the reason you're still single?

Most of us have a set of standards for the people we date, or a 'type'. While it's important to know what you want, if your guidelines are too strict or standards too high you could actually be the one keeping yourself single! The extensive list of physical qualities or personality traits that you require a date to have may not seem too much to ask, but by ruling out so many people you simply have fewer fish in your dating sea and could be eliminating a huge bunch of quality people. 

Are there enough fish in the sea? 

Make a list of what qualities you would need a date to have - be honest - and then consider which of those you could hold judgement on. For example, if you won't date someone unless they have a certain hair colour or face shape, it could be time to realise that that is quite an arbitrary reason for refusing even to get to know a person. By cutting out the most superfluous of your dating demands you might be surprised by the sheer number of new potential dates you will meet!

Are you holding yourself back? 

By continuously dating the same type of person, it's unlikely that you are growing through your relationships. Just like stepping out of your comfort zone in life teaches you to be able to cope with new things and gather experiences, so will broadening your dating comfort-zone enable you to grow in love. This will spread through all areas of your life, helping you to know even more what it is that you really want out of a partner. 

Is it really working for you? 

If your dating life has been unsuccessful so far, it could be that the qualities you look for in a partner aren't necessarily compatible with your personality. We often become idealistic about love, expecting it to solve all our problems when that simply isn't realistic. Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want out of life, and you may realise that the person you usually go for doesn't share those values. By becoming more flexible with the sort of person you date, you could open your eyes to a quality of relationship that you didn't even know you were missing. 

Why do you have the 'type' that you do?

 Maybe you're holding on to a past relationship or trying to be someone you're not. You may even fear entering a relationship with someone, and use an unreasonable list of demands for a future partner to give you an excuse to stay single. Letting go of your list and opening your mind could open up and change your dating world completely. Why not give it a go? Challenge yourself to look outside the box and go out with people who you might not ordinarily choose. You might be pleasantly surprised. 

Tips For Getting Over Rejection

What do these people have in common? 

Sienna got booted by Jude Law, Taylor Swift has written more songs about her heartbreak than we can count, and Jennifer Aniston was brutally divorced by Brad Pitt in favour of Angelina Jolie and a new life as father-of-the-year to his millions of kids. Starting with a reminder that even the most beautiful and successful among us can be, and have been, dumped, doesn't take away from the fact that rejection hurts, plain and simple. And after the first obligatory days of bed bound pillow punching interspersed with tsunamis of tears, what are you supposed to do with yourself?! With your confidence knocked and a person-shaped hole in your life, it certainly isn't easy to move on; in fact, it can feel impossible. 

Here are our top, tried and tested tips and tricks for picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when someone has trodden all over your teeny fragile heart: 

1. Block/unfriend on Facebook

100% remove their entire social media presence from your life. If you're thinking you need the occasional stalk of your ex or that it will seem too petty for you to delete them, you are wrong my friend. When they pop up on your newsfeed with their former-ex in their arms, it will strike a jealousy javelin through your very soul. Do not let that happen; delete them ASAP. 

2. Don't stay friends

At least not to start with. It's so difficult to completely let go of someone you care about, but taking them out of your life for a while will make it easier to come to terms with the breakup, and actually make it more likely that you could be friends in the long run. Give yourself some tough love and do what's best for you for the time being. That means maximum goodbye to your ex.

3. Get back to basics

Nature and exercise. Both hideous concepts when you've been scoffing chocolates behind the safety of your duvet and black-out blind for the recent past, yet still necessary ingredients to a healthy rejection recovery. Whether you find your inner peace through yoga, punch out your rage via kickboxing or pound the pavements in tune to your new playlist of sassy, independent women (Shania Twain), the endorphins will do you good. Likewise, being outside in the open air will help to clear your head, even though it might seem like a major chore right now. Again; tough love means being kind to yourself even when you don't want to be.

4. The alcohol situation

TRY to leave it for the first few days at least.

If you're already crying while sober, don't add alcohol to the equation. And once you do feel remotely stable enough to have a few drinks get blink drunk, make sure it's with friends who are going to look after you. This involves not allowing you to rebound with anyone less attractive than you on the scale of 1-10, and genuinely throwing your phone under the wheels of a bus if that's what it takes to stop you texting your ex. His dry 'haha' to your booze fuelled ramblings does not mean he wants you back and will only fill you with hanganoia (hungover paranoia about the shameful events of the evening) and regret the following morning. 

5. Let the feels flow

Everyone copes with difficulty in their own way, but i strongly recommend letting your feels (aka tears/hatred/sadness) flow when you start feeling them. Bottling them up will just lead to an inappropriate and uncontrollable explosion of emotions when you least expect it, so whether that involves you physically destroying your landline when you answer it to a sales call or breaking down into the mother of all crying fits if you miss your train to work, it's definitely best to avoid. 

 
6. It's not me, it's them

Clichés are clichés for a reason! They're true more often than not, and this is no exception. If you can't convince yourself, make sure you've got a good support base of friends and family around you to act as a reminder that you are amazing and loved, and this one person who has rejected you does not change that. Make a list or put together a series of photos to remind you of the brilliant things about you and in your life.

Even a little list of the bad things about your ex-partner wouldn't go amiss. If they don't want you, why would you want them!? This sort of talk can sound a bit 'thou doth protest too much', but it can definitely be helpful in helping you get back up after a break up, especially at the beginning. 

2. Rejection makes you stronger

Every time something bad happens, we can learn from it. This may seem unreasonably optimistic in the face of heartbreak, but it is definitely worth keeping in mind. Did you see the break-up coming a while in advance, but turn a blind eye because you wanted to avoid it? Next time, you might feel brave enough to be more upfront. Was your partner on the rebound from a previous relationship? You might be more cautious if that situation arises again. All these little life lessons build up over time, and even though they can be painful they are ultimately important in building your character so that you know what you want when you do meet the right person for you. 

9 Facts Of Flirting

Flirting can be a hideous chore if you don’t know what you’re doing, but it quickly becomes fun and light hearted once you’re a little more clued in! 

Here are some tips for what to do…

1. Practice makes perfect – if striking up a conversation is daunting, you’re going to need to feel the fear and do it anyway! Chat to everyone; barrista, postman, people in the lift at work, and you’ll feel far more ready to talk to Mr/Miss Right when they come round the corner.

2. And don’t get too worked up about how to start that conversation; say hello, smile, and see where it goes from there.

3.     Use their name regularly (but obviously within reason)! People love this; it makes them feel instantly close to you, and that you’re really engaged and interested in what they’re saying.

4.     Use body language appropriately. Subtly mirroring their actions when they speak to you will make a person feel more at ease, although if they’re hunched or closed up it’s better to maintain an open, welcoming stance to encourage them to relax too. Even touching their arm or shoulder lightly when they make a joke can be a great way of making your companion feel closer with you as well.

5.     Be sincere with your compliments and don’t overdo them!

6.     Be confident – if you believe you’re great, others will too.

7.     Be a good listener. It’s often said that people love to talk about themselves, so by asking questions and being attentive to the answers you’re giving your companion what they want, which is likely to make them enjoy spending time with you.

8.     If you’ve got a funny bone, use it! Laughter is attractive and always a great icebreaker.

9.     Being playful is another light-hearted way to encourage sparks between you and your love interest. Teasing and joking will ease a situation and by creating funny jokes and secrets just between the two of you it will make you feel like you’ve known each other for longer. That ‘partner in crime’ vibe is a lovely way to get closer to someone.

The only thing left to do is start! Head back to HelloYou to sign up and get flirting.

Open-air Date Ideas

Despite the apparent rarity of warm weather in the British Summer, it's better to have a portfolio of outdoorsy date options up your sleeve for when the sun does come out, than be left feeling mopey as everyone else enjoys the good weather. Here are a selection of open-air date suggestions so that whether you're spending them with a partner, friend or first date, your summer evenings can be spent more memorably than just outside the pub (although it's fair to say you'll be doing a bit of that, too):

Regent's Park Open Air Theatre

A night at the Regent's Park Theatre is as much the experience as it is the theatre itself - and both are wonderfully unique. Whether you attend a matinee or evening performance, the options for dining are vast. Either bring-your-own or pre-order a reserved seating picnic, grab lunch or dinner from the light menu at their Summer Cafe, have a burger from the BBQ that's set up specifically for performances or even treat yourself to fine dining in the fairy lit, covered restaurant that overlooks the theatre bar. Be sure to bring blankets for the show itself and you won't be disappointed as your entertainment unfolds to a backdrop of fading light and bird calls; a truly brilliant way to spend a summer's day. 

Luna Cinema

Although one of many open air cinemas around this summer, Luna Cinema is made special by its locations and facilities at each screening. They offer blankets, and comfy, sofa-replacement wedges for your back so you literally don't need to haul any kit there with you. Films range from Some Like It Hot to The Theory of Everything, in some of the UK's most beautiful castles and parks catered with wood-fired pizzas, street style BBQ food and cheesy, movie-classic nachos to enjoy during the screenings. 

Festival Of Love

The Southbank Centre is celebrating humankind's most overwhelming (and our personal favourite) emotion in the form of two months' worth of installations, activities, pop-ups and performances this summer. It features food pop-ups such as Bleecker St Burger's shack, which will sell American craft beer and their fantastic NY-style burgers, and Snog frozen yoghurt being sold from a pink routemaster bus. You can even dine on cocktails and oysters from atop a double decker if you're feeling fancy. Some weekends are theme-specific, including Big Wedding Weekend, which involves mass ceremonies in which couples may actually wed, renew their vows or convert their civil partnership into marriage; reckon this is something worth seeing! Even if you just go for the afternoon to look around, there's no doubt your date will appreciate the chance to build a sandcastle Thames-side at the festival's urban beach.

The Nomad

While slightly smaller scale than Luna, The Nomad is another open air cinema destination that is popping up in squares and parks around London this summer. Locations include Brompton Cemetery, Middle Temple Gardens and Hyde Park Lido, where you could be watching classics like West Side Story or The Breakfast Club, or newer hits such as Whiplash. Being a slightly more make-do affair, we'd recommend bringing all your own food, drink and comforts - definitely including blankets to sit on and jumpers to wrap up in. This is England, after all.

Drinks With A View

'Want to grab a drink?' This age old date invite either foreshadows a painfully tedious evening with Mr/Mrs Extremely Wrong, OR signals an opportunity to get to know someone who you could actually really like! Improve the likelihood of making a good impression on that potential love interest by getting high with them. And no, that isn't an endorsement of illegal substances. Get above the masses and the smokey city streets to one of London's rooftop bars. Top recommendations are Queen Elizabeth Roof Garden & Cafe, Queen Of Hoxton, or Dalston Roof Park if you fancy a casual vibe. Head for Kensington Roof Gardens or Radio Roof Bar on the Strand for something a little swankier. Go for Sky Garden for the full panoramic London view experience. You could even book a table for dinner too if you're feeling confident... 

Backyard Cinema

Screening a mixture of blockbusters and lesser-known talent on two screens in Camden Market throughout the summer, Backyard Cinema offers cinema comfort in an unusual setting. It's straightforward; three ticket options give you the choice to include a drink and a burger from renowned pop up turned pro, Honest Burger, with your movie, with a movie ticket alone costing £16.50. Perhaps a little pricey, but considering the cost of Vue these days... For a fun and personal feeling movie-experience, this is certainly worth it. 

Post-Divorce Dating

Returning to dating is usually a necessary evil for anyone who has been through a divorce, and after being married it can certainly come as a shock to the system. Depending on how long you were married, the dating scene might also have changed entirely, leaving you with brand new territory to navigate. Even if that is the case, there are certain guidelines that will always apply…

1.    Present yourself with confidence:

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, it doesn’t mean your future relationships are doomed to failure. Filling your life with positive things and reminding yourself of how great you are will go a long way to making your dating endeavours more successful. It’s a well-known fact that confidence is attractive, so put your best foot forward and approach dates with your brilliance in mind!

2.    Do not give up on the way you look:

This isn’t to say that you need to look a certain way; it simply means that you should take care of your appearance. This is super simple and generally goes without saying – keep clean, wear clean clothes, sleep well, and keep your body healthy. Not only will this make you look more attractive in itself, but it will help you feel fresher and happier, which will make you more attractive too!

3.    Do not compare yourself to others:

If you’re not in your twenties, don’t try to pretend you are and don’t worry about not looking ‘as good’ as those who are. Too old, too young, too fat, too thin… Banish Goldilocks syndrome and embrace whatever stage of life you are at right now. This self-acceptance will be far more attractive than dolling yourself up to mirror someone who is thirty years younger! Plus, comparisons are only going to make you feel bad about yourself when there’s absolutely no need to.

4.     Do not assume you know what will or will not be attractive:

Moulding yourself to what you imagine your date might want you to be is go-to behaviour for lots of people getting back on the dating scene. This is understandable if you want it to go well but you’re not a mind reader, and it’s far healthier to back off from this way of operating. You can’t know what someone else wants, so all you can do is be the best you can. If they don’t find that attractive then they’re not right for you anyway! Besides, doing things you love and being the person you are is far more impressive than fitting in with what everyone else wants. Be a person you’d be impressed by, and you’ll blow your date away too.

Head over to HelloYou to sign up now, or go to HelloYou Mature if you're looking for love in a more specific age range.   

Active Date Ideas

Table Tennis

If you’re wondering whether table tennis can be counted as ‘active’, you’re in need of a trip to one of London’s dedicated ping-pong bars. Although it will reveal your carefully masked competitive side that should arguably remain hidden until marriage, it’s worth the risk for the pizza-fuelled fun you can find at locations like Bounce or The Game. Besides, if you make it to the next date after mercilessly defeating your partner in a tournament you’ll know that they must be a keeper.

Pedalo

Pedalo-ing is the perfect activity, placing you side by side with your date as you work together to power your boat up and down the Serpentine. Combining many opportunities for people watching on the riverbanks with the entertaining challenge of syncing your pedalling speed with that of your date’s, it’s an entertaining and romantic way to spend a summer afternoon – especially if your boat has one of those flat bathing platforms (although this is better suited for a picnic than taking a dip). Regent’s Park is another lovely location to rent boats, where you can also choose to do rowing if you reckon your coordination and biceps are up to it!

Punting in Oxbridge

For those of you who want to get out on the water in even more of a rural oasis, take the one hour train ride out to Oxford or Cambridge to go punting. Tours are available to join, such as Cambridge’s 45 minute College Backs Tour, that guides you along a one mile stretch of the Cam past some of the university’s palatial colleges, but you can also take a punt at renting your own punt. Beginners will probably bounce from ‘bank to bank’ through Oxford’s Botanic Gardens, but these gondola-length boats provide an idyllic day out regardless of your captain’s skill. Nab a cheap picnic from a local Sainsbury’s and even take a dip in the water if you’re feeling brave.

Bikram Yoga

Bear with me! This isn’t completely insane. To those in the know, Bikram Yoga is a yoga class in forty-five degree heat that leaves you unimaginably sweaty but (hopefully) feeling pretty amazing. Sharing that experience and the natural high that follows it with your date is a great way to connect and build a positive energy between you. If you’re worried about the red-faced, drenched-in-sweat aspect of it, just think of it as pre-empting the inevitable. Every couple eventually has to reach that ‘this is what I really look like’ milestone; why not get it over with early on? Fierce Grace has studios across London, there’s Hot Bikram Yoga at London Bridge and Sohot Bikram in Victoria.

Bowling

Bowling is another active date idea that’s well worth the risk of revealing your competitive streak. At All Star Lanes, which is in four locations across London, you can settle yourself down on diner booth sofas with chips and a beer between strikes as you smugly watch your date bowl straight down the gutter. Alternatively, hold out for a well-earned meal of BBQ ribs/pizza/burgers after your game. Bloomsbury Bowling even has karaoke rooms… Bowling is fun and (mostly) everyone can do it – what’s not to love?

Mini-golf

Another one with that sweet element of competition… Mini golf can be a hole load of fun, and there are plenty of opportunities for it in the capital. Test your skills at Plonk! In Dalston, where you can drown your sorrows in cocktails if your date wins, or hold out for Swingers London in Shoreditch that’s opening in December. Housed in a two storey clubhouse from December 2015, it will feature two 9-hole crazy golf courses alongside street food outlets, MULTIPLE cocktail bars, a terrace overlooking the golfing mayhem and other games to keep you busy while you’re off the course. Complete your date by taking advantage of the various golfing euphemism opportunities and you’ll be in for a real treat.

Cycling

Cycling in London is a revelation. Especially when you’re central, biking rarely takes longer than the tube and even if you’re a true London local it will reveal secrets of the city that you were previously blind to. Tally Ho! Cycle tours are a lovely way to see the sights, but opt for their Gin & Food Tour to avoid the crowds and get a snack/G&T in during your ride. If you’re looking for a more romantic experience they also offer private tours, but if it’s quality time with you’re date that you’re after just grab a couple of Boris Bikes (although we’re calling them Santander Bikes now…) and seek out a cosy coffee shop or pub at the end of your journey. The Attendant in Fitzrovia, located in a former Victorian toilet (funky not gross), is an interesting choice for coffee, and Hampstead’s Spaniard’s Inn or Brixton’s Grand Union feature just two of London’s many beer gardens for romantic sundown drinks.