Is love at first sight really possible?

Anyone who has ever read a Nicholas Sparks novel or a Shakespeare play, or sat through a Disney classic or Hollywood rom-com, will be familiar with the concept of love at first sight. 

According to an annual “Singles in America” survey of more than 5,000 singles, 59% of men and 49% of women in 2014 said they believe in love at first sight.

But has it ever happened to you? Can it even really happen, or is it simply sexual attraction?

While Romeo indicates his sudden passion for Juliet through amorous monologues and rom-coms use that sudden swell of heart-string tugging music to show us that a couple are made for each other, it may not be so clear-cut in real life. Indeed, how can we fall in love after one quick glance? How can we know we want to spend the rest of our lives with someone, without even having got to know them yet? 

Dr Stephanie Ortigue of Syracuse University tells us that feelings of love can occur just 0.2 seconds after first laying eyes on someone. A different study by Dr Helen E. Fisher states that love at first sight could be a mating shortcut hardwired into our physiology. According to Dr Fisher:

'Even love at first sight is a basic mammalian response that is developed in other animals and our ancestors inherited to speed up the mating process.'

So as to make sure our genes are passed on, humans have evolved to fall in love as quickly as possible. How impressive is that?!

But how do we know that it's love and not lust? 

A study from the University of Geneva suggests that we focus on somebody's face when we're falling in love, but on their body if it's lust.... 

Which I think we can all understand.
Alternatively, Psychoanalyst Roland Gori believes we can create a frame of mind where we’re more likely to fall in love instantly. 

‘We need to believe that, on some level, something is missing from our lives. When we feel “complete”, that we’ve found everything we want, we’re not as open to the possibility that someone else can heal our pain.’

Even more surprising is the theory that love at first sight is more likely to happen to those who are good at eye contact: holding someone's gaze creates more of an intense, intimate connection that we might feel was love at first sight.
Overall, it is clear that love at first sight is more than just a whimsical myth. However, whether that instantaneous, all-consuming attraction can last into a fully fledged relationship is another question altogether... 

Sources:
http://www.wsj.com/articles/love-at-first-sight-is-real-if-you-believe-1429543032 
http://www.sciencedump.com/content/it-possible-fall-love-first-sight-science-has-answer
Psychology Today

10 Things Men Want To Say To Women, But Never Do

Dear women,

1. If you actually like us, don't play too hard to get. Without SOME signs, we're just going to give up on you.

2. Making the first move every once in a while wouldn't be a bad thing... In fact, we'd welcome it.

3. When you say you're insecure about your stomach/thighs/whatever it is; chances are we genuinely never noticed.

4. Confidence is sexy. 

5. Layers of cakey makeup isn't necessary; we genuinely prefer a natural look. Same goes for extreme fake tan.

6. If you don't like the things we like, it's fine, you don't need to pretend. We like you anyway.

7. We know it can be tough at that certain time of the month, but don't forget it isn't actually our direct fault.

8. Even though we didn't notice your hair cut, it doesn't mean we don't care about you.

9. Even though we don't love your friends as much as you do, it doesn't mean we don't care about you.

10. We worry and overthink things more than you might expect. A quick compliment goes a long way in boosting our confidence so don't be afraid to drop one in every once in a while. 

Why To Start Online Dating At Christmas Time

While our culture of gift-giving and receiving may have become a little over commercialised in recent years, the sentiment behind it remains the same - Christmas is a time for appreciating our loved ones and bringing family and friends together. But if you don't have a significant other to celebrate with in the festive period, all the mulled-wine-drinking, carol-singing, cracker-pulling delight can feel a little lonely. 

Beginning to look for dates online is undeniably daunting, so if you're in any doubt here are a few reasons why now is the best time to start looking for that mistletoe kiss...

1. More people start dating online at Christmas

The month or so between Thanksgiving and Christmas is one of the busiest periods for online dating sites. Not only do more people sign up, but they are more active online overall, with data indicating a surge in messages being sent. This means that if you begin looking for love in December, you are more likely to be met with more matches and potential dates. 

2. People have more time at Christmas

Online dating isn't necessarily a quick fix - online daters spend an average of 22 minutes each time they visit an online dating site, and twelve hours per week engaged in computer-based dating activity. This can rapidly eat into the time you dedicate to work, family and looking after yourself. However, during Christmas holidays you have more time on your hands, enabling you to devote a more time and energy into your dating endeavours. It's also worth remembering that, unlike face-to-face communication, you can take time and care in constructing your online messages or profile. The post mince-pie-feast hours of vegetation can be the perfect time to invest in your love life through the communication you have online.

3. Happiness and disinhibition

Festive feelings around Christmas time make people more likely to take a chance when it comes to love; stealing a kiss under the mistletoe at your office party certainly seems a lot more feasible when you're a few christmassy-cocktails in and Mariah Carey is making you nostalgic via the surround sound system. And, as I hope we all know: confidence is key! Combined with what's been coined the 'online disinhibition effect' - that which makes us freer with our words and emotions when we communicate online or via text - that Christmas spirit could work in your favour by giving you the courage you might need for your inaugural online dating experience.

4. Christmas is a time for reflection

Coming close to the typical new-year-new-you phase of January resolutions, Christmas is very much a time when you reflect on the previous year and what you might do differently in the year to come. Ruminations are bound to begin: why don't I have a special person in my live at the moment? Why did I let my last relationship fall apart? Instead of getting yourself down, let this be the motivation you need to start looking for someone to share a New Years kiss or Valentine's date with: it's never too late!

Dating Dilemmas: Buying Christmas Presents When You Have Only Recently Started Dating

To buy or not to buy? 

Maybe you're a few weeks in, maybe a few months... Either way, it's often unclear what the score is re. buying gifts for each other early on in a new relationship. And if you do decide to exchange presents, how much should you spend and what constitutes an appropriate gift?! It's a potential minefield. 

You don’t want to go too big, yet you don’t want to not give anything at all. You want a gift that says: I like you but we're still getting to know each other and I'm 100% ok with that. You could ask them what they want, but where's the romance in that? Let's save functional gifts for a few years down the line. 

Here are a few hints and tips, as well as some more specific potential ideas to get you thinking... 

1. Never, ever, underestimate the sheer fun of unwrapping presents. 

Putting some thought and effort into the display of your gift can go a long way in making the entire gift better in itself. Ribbon, fancy paper, teeny gift bags... Make it look good and they'll like it all the more. 

2. Make a list of everything the person is interested in. 

Food, football, films? Boats, beer, barbecuing? Shopping, singing, swimming? 
Brainstorm something to go with every item on that list, and you're bound to come up with something with festive gift potential. Whether it's cinema tickets for the two of you, a case of their favourite beer, a pair of Calvin Klein boxer shorts or a jumper from their favourite shop, this brainstorming is a sure fire way of finding a little inspiration. 

3. Ask yourself what that person needs.

I know we said no functional gifts, but if YOU think of it and it's something reasonably fun, practical doesn't have to be boring. Even for those (hateful) people who seem to already have everything... They DO need something. The key is to think broad. What does a super busy successful businessman need? Time, probably. Think of all the products out there telling us how to run our lives more efficiently - you could even get creative and make them a crib sheet of major efficiency tips. Think about what characterises the person, or what they could use a little help with, and then go from there when considering what they might need. Keep your ears open too - chances are they will have complained about something at some point. Maybe your gift could solve that problem... 

4. Make them laugh. 

Give something that's funny between the two of you. This is often a good call, because things like this don't need to be expensive but they are light hearted and can mean a lot to the recipient. 

5. Include a bit of yourself. 

If  the gift involves something that you've done together or talked about in the past, it will mean more to your partner. Alternatively, you could personalise your gift, but personalise it from you rather than for them. Knit a scarf, draw a picture... Use your talents to give something they'll love.


6. Experience

Experience or 'thing' is always a question that comes up in my mind when I first think about gift giving. 'Thing' is the traditional route, but giving an experience can sometimes be even more appreciated. Is there something they've always wanted to see, but never had the chance to? Buy tickets for it and go together. Derren Brown, Phantom of the Opera, their favourite band... You get the idea. Even if it's just making a special date night out of dinner at their favourite restaurant, if you package the gift in a memorable way it will be a lovely way to spend time together and show that you know what they like.
Be wary, however, not to book anything too far in advance. Although you may be hopeful about the longevity of your relationship, it's a bit presumptous to be planning months in advance this early on into your courtship!

So considering all this advice, you now have to pick your present. 
Don't go too flashy or expensive - generally keep it within a £10 to £30 range. A gift doesn't have to be a big deal or a big move forward, just a marker that you care about this person and want to show them that during the festive period. 

So if you're taking them out to dinner that's fantastic, but a weekend away at a five-star hotel with Michelin star cuisine might be a bit overboard. 

It's also better to avoid clichés or impersonal gifts. If they love music, an iTunes voucher might be appropriate, but on the whole you want your present to show that you're actually thinking of them in particular, not bulk buying ties or candles and including your partner in the shipment.

So get shopping... I hope they like it!

First Date Conversation Topics

First dates can be exciting, nerve-wracking (usually both) and are always filled with possibility. 

There are some people we immediately click with, with whom conversation flows effortlessly and you never have to consider what to say. However, if chatter doesn't come entirely naturally with someone else it's not to say that they're wrong for you, or not worth making the effort to get to know. Once you've opened up a dialogue and started to get a sense of who they are, it can frequently be the case that any initial awkwardness was a total misconception.

We've put together some first date convo topics for those dating scenarios where you feel like you'll really get on with the person sitting across from you... if only you could think of something interesting to say.

1) How was your day?

It's basic but clichés are clichés for a reason. It's polite, easy to open with and holds the very real possibility of establishing immediate similarities/talking points between the two of you. By talking about your daily activities, you can learn about what they do for a living/for fun, and look for mutual connections between the two of you.

2) What is it that you like most about your job?

It's likely that you'll talk about work at some point anyway, so this is a good way of finding out what they do while also learning more about them as a person. Even if someone expresses that they don’t like their job, you can still ask them what they’d like to be doing instead and why.

3) What’s the scariest thing that ever happened to you? 

Hearing the sort of situation your date can get him/herself into is revealing about what they do with their time, and finding out how they handled themselves in a scary scenario gives you an insight into what makes them tick. It's also a good chance to empathise and engage with them, which can show them some of your good qualities too.

4) Where is the best place you’ve travelled to and why would you recommend it?

This allows a person to draw on memories of the place or share anecdotes about a trip, giving you a glimpse into their passions, interests and experiences - all of which are vital aspects of what makes someone who they are! It will make them more relaxed to talk about something they care about and are familiar with, AND you'll be able to tell if you're on the same page holiday-wise... Evidently a key factor if you're going to be marrying this person: if you're a cocktails-and-chill fan while they're dreaming about a Siberian mountain boot-camp for their next winter break you might want to find that out sooner rather than later.

5) Who in history would you most like to have a drink/coffee with (fictional or real)?

This is brilliant for telling you what someone's interested in and who inspires or entertains them. Will they answer the question seriously? And would they're drinking companion be someone powerful or wise or creative or compassionate? Or would they take a funny angle and choose someone witty who they'd have a laugh with? It's a question that reveals fun aspects of who someone is!

6) 6. Which movie(s) make you cry? 

If your date admits to weeping over Bambi or Titanic it indicates a certain softness of heart which is always pretty endearing. In fact, admitting to being moved to tears by any movie shows that they're not embarrassed to open up to you, even in this tiny way! Finding out someone's favourite films and why are always interesting questions too - whether they value the story, the actors, the cinematography... It can show what is important to them, AND, if you share any film-favourites, you can bond over quoting Harry Potter or Pulp Fiction to each other over dinner.

7) What were you like as a kid?

Another one that draws upon memories, although it can be a little overly personal for some people, so don't be too put off if they avoid this one. It can be surprising how much people change from their childhood, and sharing stories about your formative years can really help to connect you to someone and make you feel as if you've known each other longer than you have. It’s a nice one to give you a more well-rounded view of who they are.


8) What achievement are you most proud of?  

Obviously a little interview-like, but this can be a nice opportunity to find out what your date considers valuable, as well as brag a tiny tad about your own past victories if they reverse the question on you!

9) What are you looking for in a relationship? 

Yes this is maybe too personal for some, but it's important to know if you're on the same page. It goes in the direction of minimising misunderstandings and broken hearts in the future, and at least if you know straight away that this person doesn't want to date someone with kids (and you're rushing home for 4 to pick yours up from school) then you won't be wasting your time.