Dating Deal-Breakers

An earlier post dealt questioned whether type-dating could be keeping you single; of course, a long list of requirements for the looks, persona and background of your potential Prince Charming can leave him with some impossibly large shoes to fill.

However, this doesn't mean that all discernment should go out the window either: in the first throws of love it can be easy to overlook the inadequacies in your partner that could become serious deal-breakers later on. The worst, but surprisingly common, mistake at that point, is to remain in that unhappy relationship. 

So what potential deal-breakers are actually worth tolerating?
And what traits in or behaviours from your partner should send you running for the hills?

1. Mess 

A.k.a he never puts the toilet seat down/she leaves hair in the shower...



 Neither are ideal, but probably not something worth breaking up over. Plus, just about everyone has flaws like this - whether they're freakishly neat, hideously messy or always late - so you'll be hard pressed to find a partner if these are things you can't learn to live with.

2. Clashing Hobbies

You like sports, she likes soaps (or vice versa!) so you're constantly battling it out over the remote like squabbling siblings. 



You're an early riser and they're a night owl, you love hiking and the outdoors while they're more of a Netflix and chill 24/7 type. Annoying, but neither limited TV viewing time nor investing in a night mask for when your partner is up late reading, warrant the end of a relationship.




However, some qualities are not worth glossing over. Here are a few things that shouldn't be allowed to continue in any relationship:

1. Abuse

Physical or emotional - I think it should go without saying that abuse is always and absolutely unacceptable in a relationship. Someone consistently taking out their emotions on you in a way that is physically or psychologically damaging, is not a person with whom it is healthy for you to be around. While abusive relationships are renowned for being hard to tear oneself away from, often due to promises of 'it will never happen again', they do not make for a viable or reliable partnership and most certainly shouldn't be tolerated.

2. Constant Monitoring

Where are you? Who are you with? 


A partnership in which one half needs to know every detail about the other's day-to-day, or doesn't trust the other when they're apart, is probably built on shaky foundations. Questions like those can be loaded with accusations, possessiveness and insecurity, which can turn a relationship into more of a prison than a loving companionship. That much spying and mistrust from you OR from your partner should raise a red flag as to the state of your relationship. If you trust them, why do you need to know they're location all the time? Likewise, if you have violated their trust and now find yourselves in this police-state type relationship, you need to work really hard at building that trust back or risk losing the relationship altogether.

3. Criticism or disinterest



A significant other who doesn't make you feel like a million dollars is no friend of yours. Snapping and griping are unavoidable from time to time, of course, but when it's a regular occurrence for your boyfriend to disapprove of your clothes, make no effort to show interest in your life or patronise your personality, it isn't something that you need to put up with. You should be able to be yourself with your partner, not be worrying about whether you're annoying them or doing something that isn't good enough. If they are constantly criticising you it's their problem, not yours, and you need not continue to be around them.



The distinction between deal-breakers and minor incompatibilities may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people let themselves remain unhappy because they're afraid of change, or they've grown used to the aspects of their relationships that we might consider unacceptable. 

It is worth taking a look at your own relationships and considering these things. They can be more subtle than they initially appear. Likewise, when embarking on a new relationship don't forget to stay vigilant against them as red flags, so that, if you need to, you can change things before you become stuck in unhealthy patterns.

Single Life vs. Coupledom

Consider the scene: snuggled up by the fire with your Significant Other, they've just brought you your favourite beverage and, after flicking through the channels for a few moments, you're glad to see an old episode of Modern Family is on TV. The perfect evening. Until... Your partner clears their throat and asks to change the channel. 




Being in a relationship is brilliant, until it's not. And being FREE and single is the best thing ever, until you pass a loving couple on the street and your romance-lacking life suddenly looks rather more bleak. 



Let's take a look at the pros and cons of both single and couple living...

As a single you get to buy whatever you want without considering anyone else's desires or judgments. This means pringles for breakfast if you fancy, and no one to judge you for the questionable amount of time you'll take to make a salad aesthetically pleasing.





But then there's the issue that food isn't sold to feed one lady before it goes bad, it's sold to feed groups of people. Good luck consuming a carton of milk by yourself before it goes off.




When you're single, you have an entire bed to yourself. No one takes the entire duvet, no one will steal your pillow in the middle of the night. The comfort of sleeping alone is not to be underestimated.


But then... Cuddling. Comfy and glorious. Is there anyone safer in this world than the Little Spoon? 



Couples spend less time with their friends. Fact.

But are singles significantly better off in that department? Chances are that at least a few of your friends are in relationships themselves, so being single can sometimes just leave you with no one to hang with (unless you third wheel on your friends, which can make for a slightly depressing experience.) 



Especially if you or your friends have got kids, having a partner gives you a constant companion as well as someone to share the smiles (and frequent glances of frustration) with.

BUT, when you're single you have the freedom to date whomever you want and go on as many dates as possible.



Except... Isn't that just a synonym for anxiety filled existence? It's WAY better to have someone to go places with.

So which is it? Are you a lone wolf or do you yearn for the sweet relief of companionship?
The truth is that we probably all need a bit of both!

(M)Eating For The First Time

The perfect first date food. An elusive mystery to us all. 

Which meal is best for encouraging romance to blossom between diners? Minimum slurping, zero garlic involved, spinach out of the question... So after eliminating most potential foods from the agenda due to stick-in-your-teeth- or spill-on-your-shirt-risks, what dining options are left for you and your date? 




Food sets the mood
Four in ten daters admitted the food their date chooses can determine whether they’ll get kissed post date and one quarter of daters admitted to being completely turned-off by what their date chooses. We're assuming that this is why garlic should be avoided at all costs, along with particularly pungent fish.

Dig in

Women described salad ordering men as more likely to be 'boring wimps' (harsh), while 27% of men preferred a woman with a good healthy appetite. This means leaving the lettuce for a night in and tucking into a burger on date night is more likely to impress your dinner partner.




But having said that, there are some hearty foods that might be better to avoid. Spaghetti and meatballs, for example. Eternally portrayed as the most romantic date food of all: 




the reality can often look very different.




Keeping it casual is better than going fancy

Plus - and this is good news for most of us - daters apparently prefer a casual, local bar to a more formal restaurant environment for their first meeting with a romantic contender, and a meal costing under £25. And it makes sense - if your date induced nausea/anxiety gets the better of you, isn't it always better to throw up on a bar than a table laid with more cutlery than you know what to do with?




So there you have it; a little info and advice on eating with your date. 
And one more thing: avoid ribs at all costs.

10 Things Women Think On A First Date

Last week we enlightened you as to some of men's deepest darkest thoughts as they intrepidly negotiate the fraught challenge that is a First Date.So aren't you now dying to know what's on a woman's mind in the same situation? 

1. Please God let him look like his pictures.



2. If he's good looking, what are the realistic chances of him also having a personality?


3. Cuter than I remember... Oh lord maybe I should have shaved my legs...



4. Although, I hate what he's wearing.



5. Haha! Laugh and agree even though you didn't hear what he just said... Let's hope it was a joke and you haven't inadvertently said you love slaughtering innocent animals.



6. How many drinks is too many... Don't want him to think you're an uncontrollable lightweight, but at the same time his conversation about work would be a lot more interesting with a bit of alcohol in the system.



7. It's great that he's telling me about his childhood ambitions but I'm just going to stop him right there and have him ask something about me for a change.



8. How strongly should I insist on paying my half...? On the one hand I should pay and uphold my feminist beliefs, but on the other hand... A free meal... 




9. Kiss or hug, kiss or hug?! Is the end of the date more awkward than the date itself?



10. Thank god that's over. Now when can I see him again... 

Benefits of a Bad Date

It may be a cliché to say so, but it's undeniable that rom-coms, Disney movies and fairy-tales are all guilty of giving unrealistic expectations of love. 



In truth, not every trip to the park will result in love at first sight,

and you're probably more likely to be sat across from Darth Vader than Prince Charming on your next date. So I'm sorry to say it, but there's no denying that dating isn't easy and we all end up kissing a few frogs before finding our Prince. 

However, who's to say that there wasn't some good that came out of that torturous date at the pub with the tap-water-ordering Buddhist convert who openly criticised your life choices as you finished your third glass of wine? 

What if you actually learned something significant from your experience dating the beige-scarf-clad city lawyer who you struggled to stay awake through an evening with?
Let us consider... 

Improve your etiquette 

Just because it isn't going well, it doesn't mean you're on a date with a terrible person, OR, for the more insecure of our readers, that you're a terrible person either. Your date (or you!) might be nervous, in which case it might be worth giving them the benefit of the doubt and cutting them some slack if they're struggling with conversation. Even if it doesn't improve, why not just be nice and end the date on a good note? You don't have to treat them as the be all and end all; rather as a stepping stone towards where you're each going and what you want. In that sense, being open and empathetic will translate towards your future relationships as well. 



Become more confident

Confidence is sexy. Grumpiness isn't so much. 



If you're irritated because you were hopeful in anticipation of a date that turned out to be a train wreck in reality, try not to get bitchy and take it out on your companion. Even if there isn't a spark between you it doesn't mean you can't use your wit and charm to have a worthy conversation anyway. Having the confidence to turn the conversation around will make you much happier in the long run, so if you can avoid sulking at your own misfortune and asking for what you want, it could change your entire experience.

 Practice makes perfect

It's impossible to count the number of bumper stickers that tell us something along the lines of 'the only things we regret in life are the risks we didn't take', so in this vein of thinking every date is a chance to learn something new.

 Your dating duds can be trial runs for the real deal, whether that be in the form of honing your conversation skills or improving your flirting (we can all benefit from practice in that department). If you really want to make some headway in your dating life, the way to do it is keep dating—and often! Don't be afraid to fill your calendar with drinks, dinners, and coffee dates: the more you date, the more you'll become conscious of what you like and what you don't, and the more likely you are to come across Mr/Ms. Right.


If at first you don't succeed, try, try (and keep trying!) again.

10 Things Men Wish Women Knew About First Dates

1. He's just as nervous as you are. 

2. He's praying that you laugh at his jokes. 

3. And praying that you like the date he's taking you on. Throw the guy a bone and at least give the restaurant a compliment.

4. If your hair/makeup isn't perfect, he genuinely will not notice a thing. If he thinks you're attractive, minimal maintenance will 100% suffice.

5. Was it right to wear a shirt? Did he chose the right shirt? Even if he went for a rogue, Magician-esque choice of attire, praising the shirt will never go amiss.

6. Men (and women) hate it when women (and men) answer/constantly check their mobile on a first date. Try to resist.

7. He won't think you're greedy for ordering a burger and eating the whole thing. In fact, he'll like you all the more for it. 

8. Should he kiss you at the end of the date? HOW should he kiss you?! The quick-peck-on-the-cheek or an all out French-Dutch scenario? Or nothing at all? CHRIST. Give him a hint.

9. A woman who only talks about herself is a woman he won't be asking out again.

10. If he liked you, he'll get in touch. If he didn't, he just won't. It is honestly that simple.

Winter Date Ideas

Don't let the title of this post deceive/ frighten you: it's still autumn. 

Although the clocks have turned back and any remaining 5pm sunlight is disappearing fast, November is still included in our favourite orange-leafed, should-I-or-shouldn't-I-wear-a-coat season. Halloween was 16 degrees this year... And if October 31st is the temperature equivalent of a mild British summer's day, you'd be forgiven for thinking that winter is a long way off. 

Having said that, it is only seven Fridays until Christmas...

 BUT, instead of letting that incite gift-panic in our readers, we want to gift you with some date inspiration for the oncoming winter months so you can have something novel to plan and look forward to. And if you were worrying that all the eligible men/women are hibernating for the season, think again... This will actually give them all the more time to be perusing your HelloYou profile. So if there were ever a time to get out there... It's now!

Ice Skating


I apologise upfront if you're not a fan; ice-skating can be a bit of a marmite love-it-or-hate-it activity.

We've all been there. 

However, if you are someone capable of doing a hands free circuit of the rink, skating can be a very romantic date. Plus, you can always hold your partner's hand if you're a little unsteady on your feet and even hope that they'll catch you if you fall? Our top picks are the Natural History Museum for a pretty and cheerful date, the Tower of London for romantic and historical atmosphere (everyone's fave) and Somerset House for, let's be honest, the best of all worlds. If you need even more choice, there's a rink on the Southbank beneath the London Eye: Eyeskate (romantic and punny), as well as at East London's Winterville, which deserves its own entry in the date idea diary... 

Winterville and Winter Wonderland

Winterville is a less clichéd version of Winter Wonderland, but the old Hyde Park favourite still deserves a mention. Despite being increasingly and unacceptably pricey, Winter Wonderland gives the German 'Weihnachtsmarkt' feeling that you just can't quite access anywhere else within the M25. Even if you simply go for a hot chocolate and a walk around, it'll imbue you with the spirit of Christmas like nothing else can. 
Winterville is another pop up Christmas town in Victoria Park; more intimate, creative and arguably better than its more widely known Wonderland rival in West London. Expect Christmas market stalls (where you can actually purchase gifts), Street Food traders scattered all over the site, craft ales in the bars and a food market selling fresh produce you can take away. There are rides, games (crazy golf) and even a cinema showing both christmassy and non-festive films... What's not to love? 

Underground Cinema

The outdoor cinema season might be over, but the dinner and a movie date is eternal, so why not head to the opposite end of the spectrum and watch a movie underground? The atmospheric tunnels under Waterloo have been transformed into a luxurious, velvet-seated cinema tailored to fit all your dating needs (by which I mean they serve cocktails). The programme is a mix of classics (‘Casablanca’, ‘Some Like it Hot’), recent hits (‘Amy’, ‘Jurassic World’), and shameless cheese (‘Spice World’, ‘Dirty Dancing’). Tickets are £15. What are you waiting for?

Mulled Wine Festival 

The deliciousness of mulled wine is a truth universally acknowledged, and Covent Garden's Mulled Wine Festival is taking this to the next level with its menu of mulled everything: cider, mead, ice cream, sweets, jelly shots and, naturally, a LOT of wine.  It starts on November 12, the same night as Covent Garden switches on its new Christmas lights, so if you get your act together quickly you could combine it with a romantic stroll through the atmospheric side streets of Central London. The event's been organised by Yelp so you'll be required to check into their app to enter for free (or donate £10 to charity).  

Indoor Skiing

All the fun with none of the hassle of trekking to somewhere where it actually snows. Indoor skiing transports you to the Swiss slopes for an afternoon of alpine frivolity with your sure to be impressed date. 

Ice Bar

This may not be the best value for money but it's worth it for the experience and it certainly makes for a pretty chilled date. You're given a santa-inspired, fur-hooded cloak before entering the sub-zero environment of ice sculptures and ice glasses; the only thing that won't be icy is the atmosphere between you and your date. 

Pretend You're Snowed In

If it actually snows this year, London's weak management of any unusual weather will probably ensure that you physically can't get to work through the 2mm of sludge that settles across the capital. But even if it doesn't snow, snuggling in by the fire is inevitably romantic and possibly the cosiest of all winter dates. Get a fire going if you have one, and follow a candlelit dinner with toasted marshmallows and mulled anything; your date will be smitten.