What do these people have in common?
Sienna got booted by Jude Law, Taylor Swift has written more songs about her heartbreak than we can count, and Jennifer Aniston was brutally divorced by Brad Pitt in favour of Angelina Jolie and a new life as father-of-the-year to his millions of kids. Starting with a reminder that even the most beautiful and successful among us can be, and have been, dumped, doesn't take away from the fact that rejection hurts, plain and simple. And after the first obligatory days of bed bound pillow punching interspersed with tsunamis of tears, what are you supposed to do with yourself?! With your confidence knocked and a person-shaped hole in your life, it certainly isn't easy to move on; in fact, it can feel impossible.
Here are our top, tried and tested tips and tricks for picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when someone has trodden all over your teeny fragile heart:
1. Block/unfriend on Facebook
100% remove their entire social media presence from your life. If you're thinking you need the occasional stalk of your ex or that it will seem too petty for you to delete them, you are wrong my friend. When they pop up on your newsfeed with their former-ex in their arms, it will strike a jealousy javelin through your very soul. Do not let that happen; delete them ASAP.
2. Don't stay friends
At least not to start with. It's so difficult to completely let go of someone you care about, but taking them out of your life for a while will make it easier to come to terms with the breakup, and actually make it more likely that you could be friends in the long run. Give yourself some tough love and do what's best for you for the time being. That means maximum goodbye to your ex.
3. Get back to basics
Nature and exercise. Both hideous concepts when you've been scoffing chocolates behind the safety of your duvet and black-out blind for the recent past, yet still necessary ingredients to a healthy rejection recovery. Whether you find your inner peace through yoga, punch out your rage via kickboxing or pound the pavements in tune to your new playlist of sassy, independent women (Shania Twain), the endorphins will do you good. Likewise, being outside in the open air will help to clear your head, even though it might seem like a major chore right now. Again; tough love means being kind to yourself even when you don't want to be.
4. The alcohol situation
TRY to leave it for the first few days at least.
If you're already crying while sober, don't add alcohol to the equation. And once you do feel remotely stable enough to have a few drinks get blink drunk, make sure it's with friends who are going to look after you. This involves not allowing you to rebound with anyone less attractive than you on the scale of 1-10, and genuinely throwing your phone under the wheels of a bus if that's what it takes to stop you texting your ex. His dry 'haha' to your booze fuelled ramblings does not mean he wants you back and will only fill you with hanganoia (hungover paranoia about the shameful events of the evening) and regret the following morning.
5. Let the feels flow
Everyone copes with difficulty in their own way, but i strongly recommend letting your feels (aka tears/hatred/sadness) flow when you start feeling them. Bottling them up will just lead to an inappropriate and uncontrollable explosion of emotions when you least expect it, so whether that involves you physically destroying your landline when you answer it to a sales call or breaking down into the mother of all crying fits if you miss your train to work, it's definitely best to avoid.
6. It's not me, it's them
Clichés are clichés for a reason! They're true more often than not, and this is no exception. If you can't convince yourself, make sure you've got a good support base of friends and family around you to act as a reminder that you are amazing and loved, and this one person who has rejected you does not change that. Make a list or put together a series of photos to remind you of the brilliant things about you and in your life.
Even a little list of the bad things about your ex-partner wouldn't go amiss. If they don't want you, why would you want them!? This sort of talk can sound a bit 'thou doth protest too much', but it can definitely be helpful in helping you get back up after a break up, especially at the beginning.
Even a little list of the bad things about your ex-partner wouldn't go amiss. If they don't want you, why would you want them!? This sort of talk can sound a bit 'thou doth protest too much', but it can definitely be helpful in helping you get back up after a break up, especially at the beginning.
2. Rejection makes you stronger
Every time something bad happens, we can learn from it. This may seem unreasonably optimistic in the face of heartbreak, but it is definitely worth keeping in mind. Did you see the break-up coming a while in advance, but turn a blind eye because you wanted to avoid it? Next time, you might feel brave enough to be more upfront. Was your partner on the rebound from a previous relationship? You might be more cautious if that situation arises again. All these little life lessons build up over time, and even though they can be painful they are ultimately important in building your character so that you know what you want when you do meet the right person for you.
