Is 'type-dating' the reason you're still single?

Most of us have a set of standards for the people we date, or a 'type'. While it's important to know what you want, if your guidelines are too strict or standards too high you could actually be the one keeping yourself single! The extensive list of physical qualities or personality traits that you require a date to have may not seem too much to ask, but by ruling out so many people you simply have fewer fish in your dating sea and could be eliminating a huge bunch of quality people. 

Are there enough fish in the sea? 

Make a list of what qualities you would need a date to have - be honest - and then consider which of those you could hold judgement on. For example, if you won't date someone unless they have a certain hair colour or face shape, it could be time to realise that that is quite an arbitrary reason for refusing even to get to know a person. By cutting out the most superfluous of your dating demands you might be surprised by the sheer number of new potential dates you will meet!

Are you holding yourself back? 

By continuously dating the same type of person, it's unlikely that you are growing through your relationships. Just like stepping out of your comfort zone in life teaches you to be able to cope with new things and gather experiences, so will broadening your dating comfort-zone enable you to grow in love. This will spread through all areas of your life, helping you to know even more what it is that you really want out of a partner. 

Is it really working for you? 

If your dating life has been unsuccessful so far, it could be that the qualities you look for in a partner aren't necessarily compatible with your personality. We often become idealistic about love, expecting it to solve all our problems when that simply isn't realistic. Be honest with yourself about who you are and what you want out of life, and you may realise that the person you usually go for doesn't share those values. By becoming more flexible with the sort of person you date, you could open your eyes to a quality of relationship that you didn't even know you were missing. 

Why do you have the 'type' that you do?

 Maybe you're holding on to a past relationship or trying to be someone you're not. You may even fear entering a relationship with someone, and use an unreasonable list of demands for a future partner to give you an excuse to stay single. Letting go of your list and opening your mind could open up and change your dating world completely. Why not give it a go? Challenge yourself to look outside the box and go out with people who you might not ordinarily choose. You might be pleasantly surprised. 

Tips For Getting Over Rejection

What do these people have in common? 

Sienna got booted by Jude Law, Taylor Swift has written more songs about her heartbreak than we can count, and Jennifer Aniston was brutally divorced by Brad Pitt in favour of Angelina Jolie and a new life as father-of-the-year to his millions of kids. Starting with a reminder that even the most beautiful and successful among us can be, and have been, dumped, doesn't take away from the fact that rejection hurts, plain and simple. And after the first obligatory days of bed bound pillow punching interspersed with tsunamis of tears, what are you supposed to do with yourself?! With your confidence knocked and a person-shaped hole in your life, it certainly isn't easy to move on; in fact, it can feel impossible. 

Here are our top, tried and tested tips and tricks for picking yourself up and dusting yourself off when someone has trodden all over your teeny fragile heart: 

1. Block/unfriend on Facebook

100% remove their entire social media presence from your life. If you're thinking you need the occasional stalk of your ex or that it will seem too petty for you to delete them, you are wrong my friend. When they pop up on your newsfeed with their former-ex in their arms, it will strike a jealousy javelin through your very soul. Do not let that happen; delete them ASAP. 

2. Don't stay friends

At least not to start with. It's so difficult to completely let go of someone you care about, but taking them out of your life for a while will make it easier to come to terms with the breakup, and actually make it more likely that you could be friends in the long run. Give yourself some tough love and do what's best for you for the time being. That means maximum goodbye to your ex.

3. Get back to basics

Nature and exercise. Both hideous concepts when you've been scoffing chocolates behind the safety of your duvet and black-out blind for the recent past, yet still necessary ingredients to a healthy rejection recovery. Whether you find your inner peace through yoga, punch out your rage via kickboxing or pound the pavements in tune to your new playlist of sassy, independent women (Shania Twain), the endorphins will do you good. Likewise, being outside in the open air will help to clear your head, even though it might seem like a major chore right now. Again; tough love means being kind to yourself even when you don't want to be.

4. The alcohol situation

TRY to leave it for the first few days at least.

If you're already crying while sober, don't add alcohol to the equation. And once you do feel remotely stable enough to have a few drinks get blink drunk, make sure it's with friends who are going to look after you. This involves not allowing you to rebound with anyone less attractive than you on the scale of 1-10, and genuinely throwing your phone under the wheels of a bus if that's what it takes to stop you texting your ex. His dry 'haha' to your booze fuelled ramblings does not mean he wants you back and will only fill you with hanganoia (hungover paranoia about the shameful events of the evening) and regret the following morning. 

5. Let the feels flow

Everyone copes with difficulty in their own way, but i strongly recommend letting your feels (aka tears/hatred/sadness) flow when you start feeling them. Bottling them up will just lead to an inappropriate and uncontrollable explosion of emotions when you least expect it, so whether that involves you physically destroying your landline when you answer it to a sales call or breaking down into the mother of all crying fits if you miss your train to work, it's definitely best to avoid. 

 
6. It's not me, it's them

Clichés are clichés for a reason! They're true more often than not, and this is no exception. If you can't convince yourself, make sure you've got a good support base of friends and family around you to act as a reminder that you are amazing and loved, and this one person who has rejected you does not change that. Make a list or put together a series of photos to remind you of the brilliant things about you and in your life.

Even a little list of the bad things about your ex-partner wouldn't go amiss. If they don't want you, why would you want them!? This sort of talk can sound a bit 'thou doth protest too much', but it can definitely be helpful in helping you get back up after a break up, especially at the beginning. 

2. Rejection makes you stronger

Every time something bad happens, we can learn from it. This may seem unreasonably optimistic in the face of heartbreak, but it is definitely worth keeping in mind. Did you see the break-up coming a while in advance, but turn a blind eye because you wanted to avoid it? Next time, you might feel brave enough to be more upfront. Was your partner on the rebound from a previous relationship? You might be more cautious if that situation arises again. All these little life lessons build up over time, and even though they can be painful they are ultimately important in building your character so that you know what you want when you do meet the right person for you.