However, this doesn't mean that all discernment should go out the window either: in the first throws of love it can be easy to overlook the inadequacies in your partner that could become serious deal-breakers later on. The worst, but surprisingly common, mistake at that point, is to remain in that unhappy relationship.
So what potential deal-breakers are actually worth tolerating?
And what traits in or behaviours from your partner should send you running for the hills?
1. Mess
A.k.a he never puts the toilet seat down/she leaves hair in the shower...
Neither are ideal, but probably not something worth breaking up over. Plus, just about everyone has flaws like this - whether they're freakishly neat, hideously messy or always late - so you'll be hard pressed to find a partner if these are things you can't learn to live with.
2. Clashing Hobbies
You like sports, she likes soaps (or vice versa!) so you're constantly battling it out over the remote like squabbling siblings.
You're an early riser and they're a night owl, you love hiking and the outdoors while they're more of a Netflix and chill 24/7 type. Annoying, but neither limited TV viewing time nor investing in a night mask for when your partner is up late reading, warrant the end of a relationship.
However, some qualities are not worth glossing over. Here are a few things that shouldn't be allowed to continue in any relationship:
1. Abuse
Physical or emotional - I think it should go without saying that abuse is always and absolutely unacceptable in a relationship. Someone consistently taking out their emotions on you in a way that is physically or psychologically damaging, is not a person with whom it is healthy for you to be around. While abusive relationships are renowned for being hard to tear oneself away from, often due to promises of 'it will never happen again', they do not make for a viable or reliable partnership and most certainly shouldn't be tolerated.
2. Constant Monitoring
Where are you? Who are you with?
A partnership in which one half needs to know every detail about the other's day-to-day, or doesn't trust the other when they're apart, is probably built on shaky foundations. Questions like those can be loaded with accusations, possessiveness and insecurity, which can turn a relationship into more of a prison than a loving companionship. That much spying and mistrust from you OR from your partner should raise a red flag as to the state of your relationship. If you trust them, why do you need to know they're location all the time? Likewise, if you have violated their trust and now find yourselves in this police-state type relationship, you need to work really hard at building that trust back or risk losing the relationship altogether.
3. Criticism or disinterest
A significant other who doesn't make you feel like a million dollars is no friend of yours. Snapping and griping are unavoidable from time to time, of course, but when it's a regular occurrence for your boyfriend to disapprove of your clothes, make no effort to show interest in your life or patronise your personality, it isn't something that you need to put up with. You should be able to be yourself with your partner, not be worrying about whether you're annoying them or doing something that isn't good enough. If they are constantly criticising you it's their problem, not yours, and you need not continue to be around them.
The distinction between deal-breakers and minor incompatibilities may seem obvious, but you'd be surprised at how many people let themselves remain unhappy because they're afraid of change, or they've grown used to the aspects of their relationships that we might consider unacceptable.
It is worth taking a look at your own relationships and considering these things. They can be more subtle than they initially appear. Likewise, when embarking on a new relationship don't forget to stay vigilant against them as red flags, so that, if you need to, you can change things before you become stuck in unhealthy patterns.
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